Which brings me to a somewhat more personal topic, one that I really don’t feel comfortable talking about. Maybe because I know I can relate to it more, in a way, but…
I was watching an HBO documentary called Baghdad ER, in which it followed around the surgeons, medics, doctors and such that are on deployment in Baghdad. This is where I get pulled between two worlds. Because I find myself thinking “I know these guys.” And that hurts, it was like watching a never ending parade of family funerals. I couldn’t turn away and I couldn’t cry.
I don’t know where I stand on the situation in Iraq. I know it exist, and it’s existence is so far seperated from the world I live in now. You don’t see this stuff, you don’t want to see this stuff. But it exist, and it is happening, and it is killing my family. And maybe that is why I have to go– some twisted idea of protecting my brethren. I don’t want to see them mangled and dead. But I can’t stop it, so maybe, at least, I can stand beside them.
A doctor said “You don’t want to come here, because this is where the horrors of what man can do to man are visualized.” And that is true, there is nothing heroic about losing your legs to an IED, it is just plain gruesome. There’s no sense in it, but that’s the same with any war. In the end, it is always the soldiers that pay the price, and it’s paid in blood.