(Sunset off my roof taken by my new camera…)
It feels stange waking up in the morning and not knowing what lays in store for me.
The Army called me yesterday, and offered me a 4 year ROTC scholarship to anywhere I can get accepted. The problem lies in the fact that I am not accepted anywhere that has an ROTC program.
I registered for classes at Commerce today. I start Monday.
I could be anywhere come fall. It’s completely up for grabs…
Dad leaves for India Tuesday, indefinetly, or as he puts it “3 weeks…maybe 3 months” . I don’t know what to think about that. I am going to miss him.
I don’t know about anything anymore. I only wake up and get dressed and go. I try not to think too much, and focus on the simple tasks. I really don’t want to think about what I am missing in so many aspects of my life. On a personal level, it’s never enough. Not loving the right girl, not making the right grades, not running a good enough race. Guess I did it.
I wrote an essay to A&M about mom yesterday “or the biggest challenge I have had to overcome”, and I wonder what my life would have been like if she was here. For once in my life, I really miss her. Not even really knowing who she was, or would have became.
I forget what it is I take comfort in. It’s not that I don’t have a lot going for me…I do…moreover the chance to make a lot. But, it feels distant, I feel out of place.
What is it going to take to turn things around and truly live? That is a tough question….one that no one is left here to answer with the exception of me.
I was suppposed to be leaving soon, turns out I am the one being left.