(Sunset off my roof taken by my new camera…)


 


It feels stange waking up in the morning and not knowing what lays in store for me. 


 The Army called me yesterday, and offered me a 4 year ROTC scholarship to anywhere I can get accepted. The problem lies in the fact that I am not accepted anywhere that has an ROTC program.


I registered for classes at Commerce today.  I start Monday.


I could be anywhere come fall. It’s completely up for grabs…


Dad leaves for India Tuesday, indefinetly, or as he puts it “3 weeks…maybe 3 months” . I don’t know what to think about that.  I am going to miss him. 


I don’t know about anything anymore.  I only wake up and get dressed and go.  I try not to think too much, and focus on the simple tasks. I really don’t want to think about what I am missing in so many aspects of my life. On a personal level, it’s never enough. Not loving the right girl, not making the right grades, not running  a good enough race.  Guess I did it.


I wrote an essay to A&M about mom yesterday “or the biggest challenge I have had to overcome”, and I wonder what my life would have been like if she was here. For once in my life, I really miss her.  Not even really knowing who she was, or would have became.


I forget what it is I take comfort in.  It’s not that I don’t have a lot going for me…I do…moreover the chance to make a lot. But, it feels distant, I feel out of place.


What is it going to take to turn things around and truly live? That is a tough question….one that no one is left here to answer with the exception of me. 


I was suppposed to be leaving soon, turns out I am the one being left.


 

3 Responses to “”

  1. Your not being left everyone is going their seperate ways. Everyone will take different paths, but in the end we will all be 6 feet down its just a matter of time and how we get there. Just take it easy don’t worry about stuff you can’t do anything about. I have a feeling you will get into A&M, but any ways you didn’t answer your phone when i called. Cool pic by the way. ttyl.

  2. onion_emily says:

    Hey Ty!  It was great to see you today at Coleman.  Haha…sorry we dragged down your running just a little bit…but…whatever…    Just so you know, everyone is feeling like you are right now.  Not everyone to see the same degree, but that feeling of uncertainty and confusion is among everyone.  Don’t worry about it now.  Have fun this summer with everyone.  I promise that life doesn’t end at this point.  It’s just scary.

  3. yeah I know what you mean about the fall…….i’m 98% sure I’m going back to smu.  in other news, just to add to the list of things you have failed at (hehe, just kidding you know I love ya Ty), you promised we would hang out before you left for the big city of commerce and we haven’t. :( what a no good bully………….

    p.s. ROTC = not so bad?

    p.s.s. the sunset from your roof = very pretty.  glad you didn’t fall off. for now. 

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